Tonight im feeling a bit low. Not 100% sure why or what exactly has triggered it I just am.
Feel a bit like a cry... I think I just need a hug, dont worry too much though this is how i tend to feel quite often.
My point being i can handle it as im used to it.
I dunno if it because my grandad is a very proud man, hes a typical english gentlemen, stubborn yes but also extremely noble and proud. He's also quite often the life of a family gathering.
However in the time ive left England he seems to have aged 50 years. Hes in constant pain with his back, has barely spoke a word and currently needs a zimmer frame to walk. Yes my proud and noble grandad hes been reduced to needing a zimmer frame to get around and it seems to me he feels like hes lost all his dignity and pride and feels like half a man.
I just want him to know that we love him even if hes a cripple and that hes twice the man i ever hope to be.
Nothing in the word means more to me then when my grandad shakes my hand in congratulations or when he tells everyone how far im gonna go, I want to make him proud with every step I walk and everything I do.
So to see him so fragile and wallowing in the dark depths of self pity seemingly ready to give up is ripping me apart.
There currently doing all the checks and theres the possibility he my have cancer, he says his gut instinct is that he don't and i hope to the depths of hell and back hes right and the doctors do something that'll atleast make him with whats hapenning to some degree, flick the light back on in his head.
I worry that when he leaves australia ill never see him again, that hell never get the chance to see me succeed, or watch me get married someday.
I just want some resembelence of my old grandad back :(
On what seems like a trivial pathetic teenagery note
I think ive already found the answer to something else
Its not the one i was hoping for.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Typical teenager
Again I have to say that i am extremely happy with my lot in life right now.Again I have to say I wouldn't change it for the world.Again I have to say that life really couldn't improve a great deal right now.
Although I do wish bad news would stop striking my friends down from the heights of life they were perched on.
Its not fair, there far 2 awesome to deserve any of this, but i suppose that life. Life is cold and at many times cruel and unfair, however, at times it can be epic :) .
Now to contradict myself... I would change my life in a few ways.
Theres the silly impossible stuff like wanting to be taller, more handsome and less unco.
On a more realistic note however im starting to feel the blues of single life.
I miss having girls intrested in me, not since November have i know a girl to be interested in me.
I miss falling for girls, the thrill of the chase, the flirting and not knowing if they like you back.
I miss being able to kiss someone.
So like a typical teenager I wanna fall into circles of love and lust again.
Id change my life so I can have some female interest... but that is all the rest is good :) .
Although I do wish bad news would stop striking my friends down from the heights of life they were perched on.
Its not fair, there far 2 awesome to deserve any of this, but i suppose that life. Life is cold and at many times cruel and unfair, however, at times it can be epic :) .
Now to contradict myself... I would change my life in a few ways.
Theres the silly impossible stuff like wanting to be taller, more handsome and less unco.
On a more realistic note however im starting to feel the blues of single life.
I miss having girls intrested in me, not since November have i know a girl to be interested in me.
I miss falling for girls, the thrill of the chase, the flirting and not knowing if they like you back.
I miss being able to kiss someone.
So like a typical teenager I wanna fall into circles of love and lust again.
Id change my life so I can have some female interest... but that is all the rest is good :) .
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Time
Time is a perculier thing... it is an inescapable fact of life, a mercyless dimension relentlessly changing out lives.
And i wish time would slow down cause there is never enough of it!
I am extremely happy right now. I have a decent paying job with relatively easy work and decent people to work with. My mates are absolutely epic! even with all the insecurities (and more than a fair share of tears) i wouldnt change a single thing about any of them!! there even all pretty!!! and they make life soo much better :)
its got to the point (like many of them) i hate being alone cause it feels like time wasted which could be spent with these amazing people!!
and for once in my life things actually seem simple as im not desperatly cooning (english slang similar to longing) over a girl whos not intrested! or worrying about keeping a very needy girlfriend happy who i dont really wanna be with! :) (although saying that, their's a few i wouldnt wanna put offf if... sorta hard to explain :P )
im just enjoying life :) having lots of fun and not really worrying about anything or despertely trying to find someone. I just want life to stay as it is!!!I want these time's to continue forever :)
but there are only a couple of months left before inevitably uni starts and things change
and so i hope time will atleast slow down
or preferably stop :)
And i wish time would slow down cause there is never enough of it!
I am extremely happy right now. I have a decent paying job with relatively easy work and decent people to work with. My mates are absolutely epic! even with all the insecurities (and more than a fair share of tears) i wouldnt change a single thing about any of them!! there even all pretty!!! and they make life soo much better :)
its got to the point (like many of them) i hate being alone cause it feels like time wasted which could be spent with these amazing people!!
and for once in my life things actually seem simple as im not desperatly cooning (english slang similar to longing) over a girl whos not intrested! or worrying about keeping a very needy girlfriend happy who i dont really wanna be with! :) (although saying that, their's a few i wouldnt wanna put offf if... sorta hard to explain :P )
im just enjoying life :) having lots of fun and not really worrying about anything or despertely trying to find someone. I just want life to stay as it is!!!I want these time's to continue forever :)
but there are only a couple of months left before inevitably uni starts and things change
and so i hope time will atleast slow down
or preferably stop :)
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