A tale of two worlds.

At the moment my life seems a little yin and yang, black and white, apples and oranges, Beiber and Slayer-a tale of two conflicting opposite sides and contradictions.
Lets ignore everything about my grandad, Callum (and bitchface) and family in general as they already have or will garner their own separate posts.
For this I want to focus on two things. Myself and more importantly my friends.
Good things are happening in these respects at the moment. My friends as I've said on multiple occasions are amazing! They're multiple and for the most part they're extremely close to me. I love you guys and you're possibly the closest group of mates as a whole I've ever had. At least on a par with my group in England (although at a single level my Joey still has a special place).
Amazingly I'm still making more friends as well or getting much closer to others.
However on the other hand I still lament the loss of my friends in England, I'm missing Joe like crazy at the moment and I just wish he could be here. I'm also missing my rugby group so much right now, I miss the banter and the blokeyness and that sheer rush of adrenalin as I attempt to take on everyone who's bigger than me :P
So whilst I feel so involved and loved and full I also feel like a large part of me is missing ... sports, lads nights outs and Joe. I mean don't get me wrong, I love you ladies to bits and dread the thought of losing any of you but sometimes a lad needs his lads... Perhaps thats why I've been wanting to hang with peter more lately but hell, he's one laddy lad and that just ain't enough!
On the subject of Peter thats another thing that's going well. Some of my mates are finding happiness either in the form of couples or a loved one coming home are even just getting into a fitter state of mind.
However all this talk of relationships and what not is having a detrimental effect on me, although I won't let it be known.
Having got a scholarship and the course I want at university my confidence should be sky high... that would be logical.
However these grazes and cuts ive received (courtesy of a fall off my bike) provide a much more accurate image of my confidence right now. My fall has meant I'm now extremely tender in places and just plain hurting in others however no real serious damage has been done.
So as you've all done english you'll realise this means my confidence has taken quite a beating, although not to the point where I'm gonna have some mental breakdown.
I feel more unfit, out of shape and just generally ugly than I have since I lost my weight.The bike ride to Peter's today brought a sick metallic taste to my mouth... an after-effect of exercising after so long which I know is really nothing to do with general fitness. Still, it didn't stop me becoming sourly dissapointed and discontent with my fitness which I'm extremely insecure about, without feeling I can have pride in my fitness m confidence is knocked down a shitload.
On top of this, I feel like I couldn't even pull a desperate slut who's just gagging for anything (sorry about the horrible metaphor their). Whilst seeing other couples form makes me happy for them it make me wonder why not me? Why am I still single? I realised that out of our main group I'm now the only properly single bloke.
Quite a confidence killer. Hell I'm not just single, I dont know a single girl who's interested in me, or even just finds me attractive properly.
So this has taken my confidence from rather high a few months ago too me feeling like an unfit pig with the charms of a toad and the looks to match. At this moment I have no idea why anyone would be interested to be fair soo I don't know why I'm complaining.
I feel like I've become the fat, ugly unfit lad I was before I lost the weight. The lad who was friends with everyone but whenever people talked about anything more the mention of my name was scoffed at.

I hated that person.