Tonight im feeling a bit low. Not 100% sure why or what exactly has triggered it I just am.
Feel a bit like a cry... I think I just need a hug, dont worry too much though this is how i tend to feel quite often.
My point being i can handle it as im used to it.
I dunno if it because my grandad is a very proud man, hes a typical english gentlemen, stubborn yes but also extremely noble and proud. He's also quite often the life of a family gathering.
However in the time ive left England he seems to have aged 50 years. Hes in constant pain with his back, has barely spoke a word and currently needs a zimmer frame to walk. Yes my proud and noble grandad hes been reduced to needing a zimmer frame to get around and it seems to me he feels like hes lost all his dignity and pride and feels like half a man.
I just want him to know that we love him even if hes a cripple and that hes twice the man i ever hope to be.
Nothing in the word means more to me then when my grandad shakes my hand in congratulations or when he tells everyone how far im gonna go, I want to make him proud with every step I walk and everything I do.
So to see him so fragile and wallowing in the dark depths of self pity seemingly ready to give up is ripping me apart.
There currently doing all the checks and theres the possibility he my have cancer, he says his gut instinct is that he don't and i hope to the depths of hell and back hes right and the doctors do something that'll atleast make him with whats hapenning to some degree, flick the light back on in his head.
I worry that when he leaves australia ill never see him again, that hell never get the chance to see me succeed, or watch me get married someday.
I just want some resembelence of my old grandad back :(
On what seems like a trivial pathetic teenagery note
I think ive already found the answer to something else
Its not the one i was hoping for.
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